Through the Lens
by MuchoBoho
Summary: Post Rent. MarkRoger. Mimi has just died, and no one is taking it well, least of all Roger. Journal style, Mark's POV. R&R, I live on feedback.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I was going to try to steal Mr. Larson's work, I would have at least changed the names…

No one was really surprised when it happened. After she nearly died a month ago, we all knew that it was a matter of time before it happened again, this time for real. Having this knowledge, however, didn't make it any easier for us, least of all for Roger.

He was devastated, and even today, a week after the funeral he is still inconsolable. His crying is done, he cried all of it out already. Mimi died, and there was nothing any of us can do about it. Now all he does is lock himself in his room and not let anyone in. I've tried many times to get him up and about, but all he does is tell me to fuck off. It's just like it was when April died, only 10 times worse. When April died, he was depressed. Now, he seems to have abandoned most of his misery and replaced it with anger. He's angry at the world, angry at God, at anyone he can be. Honestly, I can't blame him. If I lost two girlfriends whom I loved within a few years, I'd be pretty pissed also. I just hope he gets better soon.

What the hell happened to Roger? Just two weeks ago he stayed in his room, not talking to anyone. Now he goes out every night, he cut his hair very short again and I believe he's even started wearing eye liner.

It's so weird, it's exactly the way he dressed himself up before April died. I don't know what he's trying to pull, honestly it worries me.

Looking at him, however, I can see why his band had screaming groupies way back when. His pretty good looking like this, reminds me of how he was when we first met.

Things keep getting stranger and stranger. I remember back when April died Roger isolated himself from everyone, and contact with females wasn't even thought of until Mimi came around. Now, he goes out every night, picking up random girls and bringing them back to the loft.

One memorable night, I can recall clearly Roger and some blonde completely piss drunk. They were so drunk that they stumbled into my room by accident. They were still making out when they walked into the room. When Roger realized they were in the wrong room, he gave me this strange smile.

"Oh, hey Marky boy...sorry 'bout that..." He said, his words rather slurred from all the alcohol. And with that, he took them back to his room. They made so much noise that night I couldn't fall back to sleep. Apparently Roger is good in bed, I just wished I could have found that out in a way that didn't cost sleep.

I'm glad that Roger seems to be dealing with the loss, but sometimes I wish I had my old Roger back.

I'm getting kind of worried now. It's been two weeks, and Roger hasn't come back to the loft yet. Hell, he hasn't even called to check in and tell me what's going on.

Shit. I hope what I said to him didn't drive him away for good. I guess I should admit that I yelled at him.

He walked into the loft at his now usual time of two in the morning, this time with two females with him. I recognized them, they were dancers at the Cat Scratch Club. They were the three of them drunker then hell, and they made enough noise to wake me out of a dead sleep. That's why I walked into the kitchen to see what was going on.

Strangely enough, though, I wasn't even angry when I first woke up. I didn't walk in there intending to let them have it, I'd gone in to say hi to Roger. But then I saw him with those two sluts and my temper started to rise, I got so pissed off I can't explain it. That's when I started to yell.

"So, you three gonna be fucking keeping me up all night?" I said.

Roger looked rather confused, obviously not getting why I was angry. "What are you talking about, Marky boy?" He said in a drunken slur.

One of the girls looked me over, then said, "Y'know, you're friend can join us if he wants..."

For a second that actually seemed like a good idea, for one insane second, but then my temper rose again and I found myself yelling.

"Fuck no! Not with you sluts. Jesus Roger, you can do so much better, you don't need tramps like this, you're better than that." I yelled, looking at a dumbfounded Roger. The fact that he didn't get it made me even madder. I instead took out my frustrations on the girls.

"And you" I yelled, pointing at the two girls. "You think I would ever do anything with you? You're probably filthy." I said, still yelling. Then I blurted out before I could stop myself. "God knows I'd end up catching something. You'd probably give me HIV or something." I gasped, realizing what I had just said. I looked over at Roger.

Roger looked like he was ready to hit me. I could see the hurt mingled with his anger. I almost thought I saw tears well up in his eyes, but I must've imagined that because in a flash they were gone. When he spoke, there was plenty of anger, but none of the hurt.

"Come on babes..." He said coldly, looking at the girls, who seemed to be horrified to be in the middle of this. "Let's get the hell outa here." He turned to walk out of the loft. I tried to say something to him, but he cut me off.

"Fuck off asshole." He said in a voice that filled the room, although not very loud. He walked out of the door and I haven't seen him since.


	2. Chapter 2

I had a dream about him last night. It was really strange. I found myself in the loft on the night that Roger walked out, only this time I took the girl up on her offer to join them. So we're, you know doing it, having fun then, and this is the weird part, the girls disappeared. Even stranger, me and Roger didn't stop. We just kept going with what we were doing. And I seemed to have been enjoying myself.

I've never had a dream like it, it was so explicit. I actually felt everything. I haven't had a fantasy dream since Maureen and even that didn't go as far as this did.

It started out we were just kissing, right after the girls seemingly vanished into thin air. Then it got, well it got a bit more serious. We took each others shirts off, then Roger pinned me to the bed. I can't even say the stuff that happened from there. Again, I could feel everything and it felt damn good. He was so rough and in control and...yeah.

But this doesn't mean anything, of course. It's just because I'm worried about him, and it happened on the night he left. He was just on my mind cause I'm worried. That makes sense, right?

* * *

Today Roger came back, I was so relieved. It had been three weeks, I thought he'd left completely. He seemed to have not remembered anything that had happened the night he left, for which I am very grateful.

Something strange happened though, when he came back I mean. He walked in the door, and he gave me this look, I can't explain it. He looked...well, he looked good. His hair had grown a bit, he had the "not shaved for a week" stubble and he still had his eye liner on. When I said hello to him he actually gave me a hug and smiled at me. He smiled in a way that made my stomach turn a bit. It was the same kind of smile he gave me in my dream.

I think I'm attracted to Roger.

This can't be right, how can I be attracted to Roger? He's only extremely good looking and a guitar player and...this just isn't right. I need a little time to think about this. Bye for now.

* * *

Yeah, yeah I'm defiantly attracted to Roger. When he's here, I find myself unable to look away from him. When he's not there I miss him so much, and when he brings random girls home, it takes a lot of self control to stop myself from yelling at them again.

I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't gotten laid since Maureen. For all I know that could be it, in any case every time I see him I'm so attracted to him. It feels so wrong, he's been my best friend for, well it feels like forever at this point.

And it doesnt help that, well, he's Roger. He defiantly isn't gay, not with the amount of girls he's been bringing to the loft lately. God, how do things get so complicated?

We'll, he's home. I'm gonna go say hi. Goodbye 'till next time.

* * *

Hey, it's me again. It is, as of now, 2:45 in the morning, and I can't sleep. If you can't guess why, it's because Roger has some company. Well, at least they seem to be having fun...a lot of fun by the sound of it. All I know I sure as hell am not. I can't even go back to sleep, I keep hearing Roger's moans of pleasure. They are both horrible and wonderful to hear.

Sometimes it's almost like he does it on purpose. On the few times I did walk out there to see what was going on, it seems like he gives me that look again. I, I just can't explain it, it's that smile he gave me on the day he came back. The one from the dream. All I know is that it makes all my blood rush to a part of my body below the waist.

Thinking about it, it almost seems like a knowing smile, like he knows the way I feel. But that would be impossible. I mean, I barely see him anymore and I haven't mentioned anything to him. He can't know, can he?


	3. Chapter 3

Collins stopped by today. A visit from Collins is always a good time. It's great just listening to him talk, because even the most trivial crap sound important and he can just go on for a while and all I have to do is sit there and listen.

I guess I was acting strangely, because he stopped right in the middle of his theory on how Star Wars compares to the rise of virtual reality.

"It seems so easy and simple to just go along with it. But in the end it will wrap us all up and enslave our minds like one of those Jedi mind tricks...Hey Mark, you ok man?"

I looked up, apparently I had been staring off into space through his whole talk. "What...oh, yeah, yeah I'm fine." I lied.

"You seem to forget who I am, Mark." Collins said. "I can tell when you're lying, and right now it's blatantly obvious. What's going on Marky boy?" Collins asked me.

I immediately turned red when he said this, it's what Roger has started calling me. "It's nothing...I mean, there is something wrong," I said at the look on his face. "But it really isn't important." I finished, looking at the floor.

I wasn't sure I wanted Collins to know. On the other hand, Collins was very smart and gave very good advice. I figured, if I was vague as to who it was, he could help me out a bit.

"Hey Collins..." I said.

"Yeah?" He said, looking interestedly at me. He knew that I was going to crack.

"Well, um" I said, finding it difficult to phrase it correctly. "Er, well, what do you think about homosexuality? I mean..." I tried to correct myself, seeing the smirk on Collins' face. "Do you think that having an attraction to a man, and never have done so before...does that make me gay? And if I'm not gay, why am I attracted to this person?" I said. These are questions I had been pondering for the past month or so. I hoped that, in Collins' endless store of wisdom, he might have the answer.

"Well" Collins said, thinking for a second, as though wondering how best to say what he was thinking. "I've never really believed in the gay/straight differentiation." He said. I nod my head, eager to hear more. I almost hold my breath as he opened his mouth to speak. Collins noticed this and smiled, glad to have an eager audience.

"I believe that, as humans, we all have the capacity to be attracted to both sexes. Some find stronger attractions to one gender than to another. Some people are so opressed by society that they don't see an attraction to the same sex that is there. Hell, some people go their lives, finding attraction to only one gender." He said. I nodded, enthralled.

"But I believe that it is the soul of the person that you are attracted to, not the appearance. The same goes for male/female as well as attractive/unattractive." Collins finished, he looked up at me. "Does that help you at all?"

God, he has no idea what a life saver he is. I gave him a hug, and thanked him for his advice. It helped more than he could imagine. After that he had to leave, I smiled as he wished me luck and walked out of the loft. I'm lucky to have that man as a friend.

* * *

I've seen Roger a few times again, and each time I'm more certain of my feelings. The hard part is finding out if he'll feel the same for me too. Somehow I doubt he will, so I have to find out a way that doesn't give away to him. It sounds confusing, and rather nuts, but that's also how I'm feeling right now so I guess it works out.

If I'm sounding kind of weird, eccentric, it's because I've never been so sure about anything in my life as I am now.

Well, I have a lot to think about, so I'll leave it here for now.

* * *

Maybe it's just me being hopeful, but I thought I caught a vibe from Roger today. I only caught a glimpse of him as he was leaving to go out for the night, but as he was saying goodbye to me, he flashed me a sort of strange smile.

Again, it might just be me being hopeful, but I definatly get the feeling that there's something there. I just wish I had the courage to say something about it to him. It makes me nervous and excited just thinking about it.

Well, Roger had a late night last night, therefore I did too. I might as well get some sleep now before he comes back with god knows who and ruins sleep as an option to me. I'll be back if anything important happens.

How the fuck can everything go to hell at once. Not sure exactly what happened, my head is still spinning, all I know is that Roger left again and I'm not sure if he's coming back. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! I need a couple hours to think about all this, then I'll be back.

Ok, ok I'm back. I think I can think clearly enough to get this down. Ok, here's what happened.

I had gone out today, because I hadn't just gone out and walked around the city in a while. So I came back and Roger was there. There seemed to be something wrong, it looked like he was crying. I walked over to him. He didn't want me there, as he told me to fuck off once more.

"What" I said "I'm just trying to help."

"Well I don't need any fucking help. I'm fine." Roger said.

"Fine? Roger, you're crying!" I said exasperatedly.

"I'm not fucking crying!" Roger yelled.

"Jesus Rog, you can't do this to yourself." I said. "Don't supress your feelings, don't hide them. It's not a sin to cry!" I yelled, matching his volume.

He looked at me, breathing heavily, looking so miserable and utterly depressed. Before I could stop myself I leaned in and kissed him softly. I had been thinking about this moment for such a long time, it was everything I had thought it would be and more. Everything about him was rough, his chapped lips, his stubble, but it felt so good.

After a few seconds that felt like a blissful lifetime, Roger seemed like he was going along with it. Instead he pushed me away quite violently.

"No, it's not fucking ok!" Roger says, yelling once more.

I was too thrown off by the sudden end to the kiss to say anything coherent.

"But Roger I..." Was all I could say.

"Oh yeah. I bet you thought that you could just come in and kiss everything away. The amazing Mark and he's here to save poor depressed Roger. Well it doesn't work like that." Roger yelled, nearly screaming.

I tried to reason with him. "It's not like that..." I sputtered out.

"Shut up, just shut the fuck up. You have no fucking clue what it's like to go through the shit I've been through. You think it's so bad to have your girlfriend dump you? Try having one commit suicide and the other waste away right in front of your eyes without being able to do anything about it!" he yells.

I stared at Roger for a few seconds before the full impact of what he said hit me.

"I never said that I had it worse, I have always been there for you. And April and Mimi were my friends too!" I answered back. But Roger wasn't to be outdone.

"You never helped me. You were always there to tell me what to fucking do, but you never helped me. It was always, 'You need to get out more often.' Then it was, 'You can't fucking sleep with her cause I don't approve.' Well fuck your charity, fuck your advice and fuck you Mark. FUCK YOU!" Roger screamed.

I couldn't speak, I was too hurt to do anything. I saw him turn around and walk out the door.

"And him fucking telling me not to hide my god damn emotions. Who is he to say anything..." His voice seemed to trail off as he got further away, closing the door and rushing out of the building. I could still hear him, but I couldn't tell you what he was saying.

I just don't understand how that could have happened. What did I do, what did I say? I don't know, I just hope he comes back.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been two weeks since Roger left, I'm starting to lose hope that he's coming back. The only time I see him now are in my dreams. They're always the same basic dream. It starts out fine, we're just talking. Then I lean in to kiss him and he starts backing away, completely expressionless. There is a big mass of black behind him that he's backing into. I call out to him, but he just smirks and turns around walking right into the mass.

It scares me. I'm beginning to think that I'm never gonna see Roger again, and I don't think that I could handle that.

* * *

Another week gone by, still no Roger. Where the hell could he be. Collins, Benny, even Maureen have been by to see what was going on. I told them about the argument, (I didn't tell them what I did that started the argument) and how he stormed out. They all told me not to worry. They said that he was just being Roger, he always gets like this, he'll be back. Maureen even said that Roger PMSes more than she does, which got me to laugh.

I wasn't so certain, however. They weren't there, they didn't see how pissed off he was. He was so mad, and distraught, more than I've ever seen him before.

I just wish I knew what had gotten him so upset. At first I though that he was still hurting from Mimi dieing, but now I'm starting to think that there's something else. I has to be something else, I just can't put my finger on it. Well, I might as well get some sleep. At least in my dreams I can see Roger again.

* * *

I believe that Roger has dropped off of the face of the Earth. All of us have looked everywhere for him, and he's no where to be found. It's like it was back when Mimi went missing. I've started checking the obituaries every day to make sure he hasn't been found in a ditch or something.

God, for all I know the man could have gone back to Santa Fe. Maybe he's staying with a friend in the area, I have no clue in hell as to where he could be. I'm at a complete loss of what to say or do. Where ever he is, I hope he's alright. Well, it's my turn to go look for him, Collins just got back. Wish me luck.

* * *

I woke up today to the sound of the telephone blaring. Lately I haven't been getting much sleep, what with all time I spend looking for Roger, and I didn't feel like waking up yet. A month of no sleep had gotten me a little edgy. So I yelled at the phone and whoever was calling me.

"Fuck off!" I yelled.

Then I heard the answering machine. "Speeeaaaak." Then a very familiar voice came on.

"Hey Marky boy, I know you're there. Pick up the fucking phone." I heard the voice say.

There was no doubt about it, it was Roger. But it didn't completely sound like Roger, not like I remember it. The voice was a bit more hoarse, raspy, like he had just gotten over a bad cold. It was also a bit weaker than usual, quite unlike his usual powerful confident voice.

"Marky, I'm gonna stay on the damn phone until you pick up." Roger says, his voice rising a bit, but still very weak.

I scrambled out of bed as fast as I could, practically running to the phone. I picked it up, the phone fumbling in my hands as I picked it up.

"He-hello, R-roger..." I sputtered out, breathing heavily. I heard him laughing on the other end, which made me smile.

"It's good to see that you're alive." I continued. "I-we were really worried about you." I said, my face going red. Luckily Roger couldn't see it.

"No, I'm not dead yet..." Roger says, laughing lightly. But I could hear a little bit of sadness in his laugh. I thought about this for a few seconds before his voice came over the line once more.

"I'm coming home tonight." He said.

"Really?" I said, my spirits lifting. "God I missed you." I admitted before I could stop myself.

There was a short pause on the other end before he spoke again. "Missed you too, Marky boy. I gotta go, seeya tonight." He said, then the phone clicked. I just stood there for about two minutes. I couldn't believe he was coming home back.

I just got dressed, now I have to go and tell Collins, Benny and Maureen that Roger is coming back. I don't think it would be good idea for them to all come over tonight, it might be over whelming. But they have the right to know, they've all been as worried as me. Be back tonight


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, me again. Roger came back tonight. I was relieved to see him again, and I acted as cheerful as I could. He did the same, or he attempted to do the same. But I saw through the mask, and I'm worried for him.

He looked sick, his eyes were bloodshot and his face was gaunt. All in all he looked like hell. What bothered me the most, though, was his eyes. He has such a wasted, tired look in his eyes.

When he laughed tonight, it sounded real enough, but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were still cold and sad. At one point when we were eating dinner, (we ordered pizza) I looked at his face when he wasn't trying to feign happiness. I couldn't stop staring, he looks miserable and tired, like he was in death row and had just been given his date.

I'm sure it's the same thing that got him so upset the day that he left. I just can't think what it could be or why he wouldn't tell me. I have to go get to the bottom of this, I can't keep living like this, not knowing what's happening with him.

I won't do it tonight, it might be too much for him to handle right now, but I'll find out soon enough.

* * *

Shit, I'm really worried about Roger. As bad as he looked on the night he came back, he looks even worse now. I'm so scared for him right now. I asked him what was wrong but, unsurprisingly, he wouldn't tell me.

I walked over to him when he woke up this morning.

"Hey Rog, you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just woke up Marky boy. What can go wrong within two minutes of waking up?" Roger said, putting on a smile that didn't seem to meet his eyes.

"I mean, lately. Since you came back you haven't been looking so good. Honestly, I'm scared for you Rog." I said.

Roger didn't meet his eyes. "You sound like my mother. Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Roger said, once again putting on that false smile of his. Before either of us knew what we were doing, I pulled him into a tight hug.

Roger didn't respond at first, he seemed rather taken aback by it. He eventually hugged me back. We broke off and we looked at each other, he had tears in his eyes.

"I just worry about you Roger..." I said simply. He smiles back at me, the first genuine smile I'd seen on him in a while.

"Thanks Mark. I just...thanks." Roger said.

He's such a great man, it's hard to see him suffering like this.

* * *

This can't be happening. No, I refuse to believe this is actually happening. God damn it, fuck, shit! It's just too much to take right now.

Roger finally told me what was bothering him. I almost wish he didn't.

He woke me up this morning, he had a distressed look on his face. "Mark...Marky boy, wake up." Roger said, I could tell he had just been crying. "I need to tell you something..." he said. There was an urgency in his voice that got my attention and drove all of my drowsy feelings away.

"Alright, alright what's up?" I said. It seemed like he was going to finally tell me what was happening.

"Well," he started. It seemed that it was harder to say than he thought. "That night...the night that I yelled at you and left. Well, the reason I was crying was because..." His voice trails off. he begins to breath deeply. "Because I had just gotten my blood test back. I..." He seemed to not be able to say it. He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me.

I scanned the paper. Sure enough, it was a blood test. "Oh god, please no.." I thought. "Please say it isn't so..." But there it was, clear as crystal at the bottom of the paper. His T-cells dropped. He had contracted AIDS.

"Oh God Roger, I'm so sorry..." I started, but he held his hand up to silence me.

"No...no don't say it. I'm sorry Mark. I'm sorry I yelled at you when I left that night. I'm sorry that I always take out my frustrations on you, the only person who was always there for me. I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I've brought nothing but misery, pain and difficulty to your life. I'm sorry that I had to curse your life with my presence." Roger said, looking more miserable by the second. "You're the best friend an asshole like me could ask for. You've been better to me than I deserve." He finished, looking up at me.

I had tears in my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to hold his, kiss him, do anything I could to ease his pain, make him feel any better. I couldn't think of anything though, I was, once again, at a loss of what to do that would help.

"Roger, you deserve so much more than you have been given. I'm happy that I have helped in anyway and I wouldn't take it back if I could, only wish I could do more." I said tears welling up in my eyes. We looked at each other, we were both crying. We both threw our arms around each other in a tight embrace.

We sat there for almost an hour just crying into each other's shoulder. It was the single most emotional moment of my life, I had never cried so much before.

These questions keep running through my head. What is my life going to be like now? What's going to happen to Roger? And the one I fear to think about, what will happen if Roger dies?

I don't have any answers, and honestly I'm afraid to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Me and Roger got Collins Benny and Maureen Today to tell them what happened. They took the news a lot better than we did, we could tell that they were upset but were trying to stay strong for Roger. They could tell that he didn't have the strength to do it himself anymore.

Maureen stayed behind to talk to us. She gave both of us a hug and she gave Roger a kiss on the cheek.

"If there's anything you need, baby, you tell me. We haven't always gotten along, haven't been the best of friends." She says, her eyes watering. "But you really are a great guy, and if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know." She said.

Roger hugged her tightly, I could tell that what she said had meant a lot to him. He tried to smile, make the mood a bit lighter.

"Don't start writing my eulogy yet, babe. I'm sick, not dead." Roger said attempting make the whole situation not seem as bad as it was.

Just like him to do something like that. He never really wanted people to feel bad for him. Always trying to make light of serious situations. But none of us were fooled. Roger was sick, and it was getting worse not better.

It's gotten to the point where I feel completely numb every single day. I don't feel horrible as I see Roger waste away, his face getting paler and gaunt. I see him trying to cover up how sick he really is. I just look at it, as if looking through a window, a spectator watching a parade pass by.

I know that all of this hidden emotion is going to come back and kick me in the ass, but I just can't feel anything. If I had to endure the same feeling of mind blowing despaire every single day, I don't think I could handle it. I don't know what to think anymore, what to believe.

* * *

Roger collapsed today.

Ever since we found out that Roger had AIDS me, Rog, Maureen, Collins and Benny would all have dinner together. Sometimes even Joanne drops by. I think of it as kind of like making up for lost time. Making up for all of the time we've spent bickering and fighting over trivial shit. All the things we fought over just kept us from realizing what was really important. It was us, our friendship, this family.

Well, we were sitting at our makeshift dinner table that we constructed out of stolen milk crates, we were talking about things, having a good time. Then suddenly, Roger went silent. We didn't notice until he started swaying slightly.

"You ok Rog?" Benny, who was sitting next to Roger, asked.

"Yeah, I'm fi..." Roger started but couldn't finish. His eyes fluttered shut and he fell over. We called for an ambulance right away and we carried him downstairs to wait for them, Roger fading in and out of consciousness.

We waited outside for about a half hour before an ambulance showed up. I rode with him to the hospital while the rest took a cab and met me there.

We stayed as long as we could, until the nurse told us to leave. I miss Roger already.

* * *

Roger...Roger died today. As I speak these words, I hardly believe them myself, though I was there and I saw it happen. I saw the wasted, once beautiful handsome face as he took his final breath. I saw his eyes flutter shut as all life abandoned his body. All this I saw, but I'm still unable to believe it happened.

Roger had been in the hospital a few days and I had visited him every single day. I walked into his room, a hopeful smile on my face. I was thinking that there might be signs of improvement. How wrong I was.

"Hey Marky boy. Good to see you again..." Roger said, his voice faint.

"What, you doubted I'd come?" I said, smirking at him.

"No...No I was counting on it. Look, I don't have much time left. No, no don't say anything just let me speak." He said, as I was going to tell him that things might get better. He knew the truth.

"I just wanted...wanted to th-thank you for everything. I'm glad I was able to see you just one more time." he said, his voice growing fainter.

"And why was that?" I asked softly.

He didn't say anything. Instead he reached out to me, putting his hand on the back of my head and pulled me into a kiss. It was bliss beyond everything I've ever felt before.

It was soft, he didn't have much energy let in him, but it filled me with a warmth that I couldn't explain. I put my hand on his cheeks as he briefly slid his tongue into my mouth. We held the kiss for a few seconds, then we broke off. He smiled at me.

He still had one hand on my head as he spoke. "Mark. I love you." He said, his voice more faint than it had been before.

I put my hand on his, squeezing it gently. "I love you too Roger." I said, as once again I felt tears well up in my eyes. He gave me one more smile, it was faint but it almost seemed to light the room up. Then that was it, it was over. He leaned back, taking his final breaths. His energy was spent, and life faded away. His eyes closed and was no more.

I wouldn't believe he was gone.

"Roger? Roger! Roger please don't go, don't leave me alone...please, please don't go..." I repeated this over and over again until I was too overcome by sobs to speak. I just sat there, crying into his limp hand.

Why couldn't things be like they were in the movies? You tell your love that you love them and they magically come back to life. One thing I've learned from life is that it's far from how it is in the movies, and nothing ever goes according to plan.

* * *

No one was really surprised when it happened. We knew for the past few months that it was only a matter of time before he left us. Having that knowledge didn't make it any easier for us, least of all me.

I find myself constantly wishing for a few more minutes with him, just a few more minutes. Is that all that life is? Just striving to have a few more moments with the people or the things that you love?

In any case, it baffles me how many times a life can change in such a short amount of time. First April then Angel then Mimi then Roger. All of them have changed my life, they may be dead but I'll never forget them. You can never forget the one's that you love.


End file.
